The Unironic YOLO

This is my second post containing the word "YOLO" in it's title, and for that, I'm really freaking sorry. But then again, I'm not, because YOLO really isn't a terrible way of living. In fact, I've hit YOLO mode for the past 2 months and I am planning on staying there for the next 8. So, before anyone that I'm friends with in the States says anything smart about me being okay with YOLO, here's what's going through my mind.

I live with a lot of regrets. I'm gonna guess we all do. Some of these regrets just eat me away inside until I have a cringe attack and can't function in reality because I'm too caught up on the past. Why didn't I tell them how I felt? Why didn't I wait? I bet ______ would be better than here. Why did I wear that? I looked like an idiot! Why did I say that...? Did I seriously think that was funny? Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with me. ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod

That's what the inside of my brain is like, until I told it to shut up about a week ago. After getting home from camp, I started to think about how the next time I would most likely see all of them together would be after I spoke Italian like an Italian. After I could be in school for 6 days a week and not be staring at a wall 75% of the time. After nearly 6 months of being away, I'd see them again. Then, soon enough, I'd return to my quiet and unexciting Pennsylvanian life.

The scary thing is that I have no idea whatsoever what to do with my life after I return. The thing with me being Kara Richards is I always want more, to achieve bigger and better things. Right now, I'm on the top of the world. How am I going to ever accomplish more than this? I was 15 when I left the country for 10 months, and I will return at 16 with no driver's license, 2 more years of high school to finish, and the ability to speak a foreign language that no one in my area can comprehend. Yeah yeah yeah I'm already planning on becoming an AFS volunteer, no doubt about it. AFS is family, AFS is love, AFS made my life what it is today. So it is never not going to be a part of my life. But what am I going to do to achieve more than this?

SO, YOLO. I have come to the decision (more like realization) that I don't know where the hell my life is going after I set foot back on the turf of Honey Boo Boo and Nascar. Here, I'm going to live for every flipping second I have to be independent, and be who I want to be, because people still don't know me yet. I get to create my own image of myself; be born again into this new society of people who think I'm the foreigner when their whole existence is what's foreign to me. And I have only eight more months to take it all in and live in a style I couldn't live anywhere else. I'm kind of already mad at myself for not living in complete YOLO mode for the past 50-ish days. I'm trying to live with no regrets, as I should have done anyway in the States but it's so much more important now. I do like YOLO unironically, because I am living one life and I'm not going to spend it with cringe attacks of my past and being in a box of conservation.

Haha. What is my life.

Ci vediamo.